How Salzburg Spoiled My Children

Give a monkey a banana and it'll be thrilled: I have a banana!

Give a monkey two bananas, then take one away, and it'll be furious: You took my banana!

Our children are monkeys, and Salzburg is 17 bananas.

Bike path on the Salzach river, just outside our apartment

This stunning city looks a bit like Italy, thanks to the influence of Italian architects in the 17th century, but runs with the precision of a Swiss watch. There's a certain predictability here: 500 meters to the next Kirche (church), 250 meters to the next Würstelstand (for bratwurst & kraut), there's probably a Schloß (palace or manor house) on that hill over there, and if you're swimming at a lake and spot a flash of white in the surrounding forest, I'll bet you my modest American swim trunks it's a cheery, naked Austrian.

The spectacular Waldbad Anif, a swimming lake south of Salzburg. Clothing was optional, but fun was mandatory.

But the most predictable thing of all must be the Spielplatze (playgrounds). Reliably, there's one at every country Biergarten, and at every park, there are 4 or 5 at the zoo, a gigantic one at Hellbrun (a picturesque palace), and the local mall (Europark) possesses the most glorious indoor play area our girls have ever feasted their yearning eyes upon.

The most adorable protons in the galaxy

Derek gives the girls a spin at the riverside park, Spielplatz Franz-Josef-Kai

The girls undertaking some Spartanesque training. Not the castle wall top-roping in the background.

The stellar indoor play area at the Europark mall. Remarkably clean, and ideal for rainy days.

Cosette mans the fort at a Biergarten in Marktschellenberg, Germany, a short bus ride south of Salzburg

The surplus of Spielplatze has transformed our normally contented children into connoisseurs. They're Spielplatze snobs. The playground 50 meters from our apartment (Spielplatz Franz-Josef-Kai ) was once adequate, but no longer: Cosette has scornfully observed that it doesn't even have a proper zipline. And why, pray tell, are there only two slides? Waiting in line for the slide is SO Vienna. C'mon, mom and dad. Take me to a REAL park.

The Hellbrun zipline, an eternal fount of fun. Those are the Bavarian Alps in the background.

On a hot day, this mist machine is pure ecstasy

There is one place of which they never tire: Hellbrunn, of Sound of Music fame. It's the place where 'Sixteen Going on Seventeen' was sung, which forever doomed an innocent pavilion to throngs of shrieking 12-going-on-13-year-old girls. So perfectly does Hellbrun meld the interests of children, parents, lovers, runners, bikers, crossfitters (great pull-up station), and all humans, that I can only assume it was designed in a lab by the most brilliant urban planners of our time. Or, maybe, it's just been around for 415 years, slowly adapting to the changing needs of a growing community. Who knows, but it has all the things: interactive water features, a giant kids' zipline (the source of Cosette's discontent elsewhere), grassy meadows adorned with meticulously planted tulips in the shadow of the Alps, and an adjacent zoo, so if you tire of playing, you can watch rhinos frolick in green pastures. It's just impossibly awesome. You should come, and bring everyone you love.

Our transportation whilst in Salzburg. We LOVE that Croozer trailer, and we'll probably get one when we arrive back in Boulder.

Wetlands in the Hellbrun zoo, featuring deer, pelicans and more

This rhino goes to the hills when his heart is lonely

Cosette examines her adopted mane

A moment of calm before these flamingos began squawking ferociously

This piglet is one of Chelsea's favorite things. She swooned.

Hey Salzburg: You showed my kids that there are always at least 17 playgrounds within biking distance. That gourmet restaurants in mountain towns usually have play areas where kids can roam while parents nurse that third pint of Weissbier. That a grazing rhino and a flock of frisky flamingos might live in that lush forest, right over there. That swimming pools, playgrounds, and picnic areas can all coexist in the same 200 square meters.

Two shallow pools connected by a gently sloping slide at Aya Hallenbad. The girls LOVED it.

We can't stay here forever, Salzburg, but maybe we can take a bit of you home with us. Perhaps we open a coffee shop with an adjacent Spielplatz in Boulder, CO. And yes, Cosette: there will be a zipline.

Kinder in Wien (Children in Vienna)

Celly practices waving to her Viennese subjects

The transition from Cascais to Vienna was a mild shock.

Gone were the beaches. Gone was the balmy clime. Gone were the astoundingly cheap prices of apples, strawberries, and eggs. The humid and boisterous seaside air had been replaced by an atmosphere chill and still, which occasionally smelt funny. Chelsea, who had visited Vienna before, was thrilled to introduce me to a wondrous place where she had formed so many memories. But as we slowly our way up Leopoldgasse (that's Leopold Street) toward our home for the next 3 weeks, apartment buildings (albeit beautiful ones) sprawling before us, I couldn't shake the feeling that we had left Cascais, our gem, prematurely.

Chelsea sensed that I needed convincing. I sensed that her optimism was partly forced. She too was experiencing beach withdrawals. We -- especially the girls -- had it SO GOOD. How will you compare, Vienna?

To which, Vienna replied:

“Geduld, dumme Amerikaner.
(Patience, silly Americans)”

— Vienna

It began with the Easter Market at Schönbrunn Palace

Giant eggs = easy hunting

This unhappy chicken must lay giant eggs and carry dwarves

At the market, Cosette and Celly relished in a totally free, totally wonderful scavenger hunt.

One of many clever scavenger hunt activities

Cosette solves a puzzle to earn a prize!

How Easter is done

Enamored with their winnings, in the Schönbrunn Palace courtyard

Schönbrunn Palace is absolutely enormous. Inside, there's a children's museum. In the backyard, a zoo. We started with the museum.

Powdered wigs are great for dress-up! Or, you know, concealing syphilis. 

Those boots were made for rulin'!

Presumably, the painter of this remarkable portrait was summarily executed

Children are encouraged to place magnetic 'leeches' on this smiling patient. Science!

Once we had exhausted the children's museum, we ventured into the Schönbrunn zoo:

Cosette found a snipe!

Seeing a giant panda in downtown Vienna provoked feelings of awe and sadness

Something we came to love about Vienna: There are parks everywhere. Kids need these spaces, and they need them frequently. The Austrians really get this. This colorful, lovely playground was in the middle of the zoo.

Post-Zoo, we paid a nominal €5 for a marzipan sculpting workshop for Cosette. She was so focused, which was especially warranted because all the instructions came in German.

The final product! An Easter bunny (see its cute cocoa-tipped ears?)

All of this -- Schönbrunn Palace, the Easter market, the children's museum, the zoo, and the marzipan sculpting -- happened in the same day. If you don't find that remarkable, you're probably not a parent.

The truth is that Vienna is just remarkably livable and family friendly. Even as you're walking in the shadow of imposing, ancient (by our standards) buildings, it feels as if the city has been shaped by the needs of families. Exhausted? There's probably a park nearby. Hungry? Most restaurants will welcome your kiddos with a smile, and give them free lollipops on the way out. We felt uniquely prioritized in Vienna. We sure don't expect to be spoiled by our host cities, but Vienna has spoiled us.

“Wien, Wien, nur du allein! (Vienna, Vienna, only you alone!)”

— Rudolf Sieczynski

Kids in Cascais

We're shocked and delighted that we discovered Cascais.

Back in November 2017, when this family Eurotrip was nothing more than a bunch of neurons hastily rearranging their connections in our brains, we thought Lisbon 'would be nice.' I checked www.nomadlist.com -- a brilliant compendium of all the attributes one could care about in a foreign place -- and Lisbon was safe, had fast Internet, was relatively warm, and (crucially) had beaches. All boxes checked.

Next step: find proper lodging. I studied VRBO listings, knowing that our rental must be within easy walking distance to--

1. A park and/or the beach
2. A suitable grocery store
3. Good restaurants
4. Bonus: kids' libraries, museums, indoor play areas

Scanning the listings in map view, I found one that was near a park and a few blocks from the beach, but it wasn't in Lisbon proper. Situated in 'villa' (i.e. a city that yearns for smallness) called Cascais, It would be about a 40-minute trip into Lisbon via train. At the time, this didn't seem quite ideal, but the 600 square foot apartment seemed appropriate in every other regard. We booked it from Feb-28 - Mar-29.

When we arrived, we started walking.

3 minutes away, we found Ribeira beach --

Ribeira Beach

Across the cobblestone street, the carousel at Visconde da Luz--

Carousel in Jardim Visconde da Luz

A 7 minute walk through streets as tight and lovely as those in Venice, this giant, clean, modern playground, at Parque Marechal Carmona

Parque Marechal Carmona

And literally next door (far too close), to the delight of Cosette and Celestine, delicious gelato.

Gelato in the Cascais Town Hall square

And to the delight of Chelsea and me, a restaurant specializing in octopus (polvo) worked their culinary magic a few blocks away.

Grilled polvo (octopus) at the excellent Polvo Vadio

Somehow, we stumbled upon the most perfect place we could imagine. Twenty-nine days of beaches, carousels, playgrounds, and polvo. Pure Portuguese bliss.